Little Blog is sad. She is thinking about her grandfather who passed away a few years ago.

Her big sister, Sunshine, is deeply sympathetic. She has been listening to a lot of adult conversation, and has come up with a few answers she is sure will soothe Little Blog.

“Don’t be sad, Little Blog, he’s just resting.”

Little Blog: “And is our old dog and cat who died with him?”

“Yes, Little Blog,” says Sunshine.

Littel Blog dries her tears.

“So are they playing together?” she asks.

Sunshine: “Yes, Little Blog, they play together. But you know what’s even nicer? When people die they come back as someone else.”

Little Blog’s big eyes go even bigger. Then she turns to Sunshine with a wail:

“But how will I know which one is Grandpa?!!”

“Wow, Mommy, it’s so strong it can suck up anything!” exclaims Sunshine.

Little Blog enthusiastically agrees: “It could even swallow us up!”

Mom thinks this is a great idea. She advances on Little Blog, brandishing the vacuum hose. Little Blog screams and runs for the sanctuary of the couch.
(more…)

Little Blog: “Nothing. But we are learning at least.”

Dad: “Well, what did you learn today.”

Little Blog: “We have been doing an ac-ti-vitty.”

Dad: “Did that teach you anything?”

Little Blog: “Yes. I forgot what the thing is we’re learning about, but we’re also learning about other things.”

Dad: “What other things, Little Blog?”

(more…)

This is too much for Little Blog.

“It’s enough, guys!” she exclaims. “Why do we need to talk about death?”

(more…)

She is sitting at the window, staring out at the garden.

Dad: “What are you watching, Little Blog?”

Little Blog: “The birds in our garden. Some of them are free but some of them aren’t.”

Dad: “Which birds aren’t free?”

Little Blog: “The ones with a name tag aren’t free.”

Dad: “Aren’t all the birds in our garden free?”

Little Blog: “No, birds aren’t free. If there’s a bird and it’s got a name tag and it hasn’t got a cage, it belongs to somebody. If it flies away to someone’s garden, sometimes they’re kind enough to take their collar off and let them be free and then nobody knows they actually belong to somebody. That’s the way I like them to be.”

Dad: ”Where do you see name tags, Little Blog?”

(more…)

“O is Oxygen and H is Hydrogen and when you put two Hydrogens with one Oxygen, you get H2O and that is really water,” she explains over supper to Little Blog, who pretends to absorb every word.

Dad decides to show how clever he is: “And H2SO4 is Hydrochloric Acid, which destroys everything it touches.” He hastens to add that he only knows this because of a rhyme he memorised in high school. Before anyone can stop him, he recites it:

“Little Johnny has gone to heaven,
and will be seen no more,
For what he took for H2O,
was H2SO4.”

Little Blog instantly declares: “He was lucky.”

Sunshine is horrified: “Why, Little Blog?!”

Little Blog: “Well, then he wouldn’t have to eat his vegetables, would he?”

“Just like I said they will!” she crows to anyone who will listen.

She also believes that this heralds a new career: “I can tell you who is going to win anything from now on!”

Now everyone wants to test her.

(more…)

Sunshine decides to test her: “Who is going to win the World Cup, Little Blog?”

Little Blog: “South Africa, of course!”

Sunshine: “Who are they going to beat, Little Blog?”

Little Blog: “Arsenal!”

Dad: “I don’t think so, Little Blog.”

Little Blog: “Manchester United!”

Sunshine rolls her eyes.

“It isn’t soccer, Little Blog, it’s rugby. And they have to play against a country.”

Little Blog’s eyes light up: “I know! It’s England!”

Dad: “That’s right, Little Blog. But why should South Africa win the World Cup?”

Little Blog: “Because it was England’s turn last time, so it’s our turn this time. Everyone has to take turns, isn’t it, Daddy?”

Dad: “Not when countries play, Little Blog. There have to be other reasons why we win.”

Little Blog: “I know! It’s because we all support South Africa!”

Sunshine decides it’s time to apply ruthless logic: “But don’t you think all the people in England support England?”

A glint of steel appears in Little Blog’s eyes: “But we support South Africa lots harder than England supports England!”

(Next: Little Blog finds an extra slab of chocolate under her pillow)

First she describes the inside of the car, and asks for an explanation of almost every feature, from the air bags to the air conditioner.

Next, she turns her attention to other cars on the road. She describes each car as it passes in the next lane. One car comes speeding up from behind, zips into the next lane, and zooms into the lane in front of Dad, barely missing his front bumper.

“Idiot!” shouts Dad.

“Why is he an idiot, Daddy?” asks Little Blog.

“Because he could have gone into our car, Little Blog.”

Little Blog: “If he goes into another car, will it break the other car?”

Dad: “Yes, Little Blog.”

Little Blog: “That’s dangerous!”

Dad: “It sure is, Little Blog.”

Little Blog: “And it’s dangerous for children to sit in the front.”

Dad: “Why, Little Blog?”

Little Blog: “Because of what will happen if another car breaks your car.”

Dad: “What will happen, Little Blog?”

Little Blog: “The beanbag will come out and squash the child.”

(News flash: Chinese government denies rumours of factories producing defective children’s furniture)

This weekend, she has been asking her big sister, Sunshine, all kinds of questions about her godparents. How much chocolate is in their pantry? Do they go to the beach for holidays? Do they have their own toys? And many more of the same.

Finally, by Sunday evening, her questions subside. In fact, Little Blog seems to have abandoned her intentions of moving out. Sunshine is resigned to never being able to expand her empire beyond one bedroom.

Mom decides to be direct about it: “Do you still want to go live with your godparents, Little Blog?”

Little Blog: “No, Mommy, I haven’t got enough time.”

Mom: “Time for what, Little Blog?”

Little Blog: “To pack all the toys I want to take with and to make a list of all the new toys I want.”

Mom: “So you aren’t going to live with your godparents after all?”

Little Blog: Well, I won’t need godparents, Mommy.”

Mom: “Why not, Little Blog?”

Little Blog: “Because Sunshine said you will only die of old age in a very long time and then we will be adults and we won’t need godparents anymore, so I don’t need them now.”

(Next: Mom tears up the revised will she had been preparing)